1. You Have a Lot of Support; A Dad-to-be Has You
A mom-to-be has a huge array of support and information, including her mate, friends, family, the healthcare system, and entire media and retail sectors. A dad-to-be has you.
Amid the racks of magazines for parents, have you ever seen one for dads? How about a Fatherhood Paternity store? Has your mate reconnected with his father like you have with your mother? Has he gotten together with the guys to talk about the baby on the way? No, no, no and not in your wildest dreams.
While over the past decades the bar has been raised considerably for new fathers, their preparation and support remains last century. A new mom’s needs, her innate networking with every mother she knows, and the full on assault by marketers pursuing her 85% purchasing power create a tornado that threatens to suck her up like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Dads don’t even generate a dust devil.
You Will Get Way Out In Front Of Him
Seeing a positive pregnancy test launches you on a steep trajectory of physical, emotional, career, and lifestyle change. You begin contemplating a wide range of issues, soaking up all the media directed at you, signing up for classes, and buying and reading books - lots of them. Dads-to-be? Not so much.
When you think about the kind of father he will be, you wonder why he’s not interested in your books. This is when conflict over who does what in a new family starts.
How could you have helped your baby’s dad get ready to be a father?
- Fill the void in attention he’s receiving by asking him how he is doing, what is he thinking, whether his baby should be a forward or center ... the essential questions.
- Cut him some serious slack – taking it slow is standard for dads-to-be because, like you, they have a lot to think about, but unlike you, they do not have millenniums of evolution, decades of socialization, and a baby growing inside to push them along.
- Help him build his own dad network among his friends, brothers, and the other guys who show up at birth classes. Buy them beer. Consider this early practice for the play dates you will be arranging for your kids.
Moms, check out this Top Ten list and let us know what you think. Share your experience about supporting a new dad, including what you did that worked and what you did that didn’t.
A mom-to-be has a huge array of support and information, including her mate, friends, family, the healthcare system, and entire media and retail sectors. A dad-to-be has you. … Read More
Mothers are the most important factor in a father’s involvement with his baby. You can facilitate it or hinder it, especially in the months surrounding the birth when a new dad’s motivation is strongest. ... Read More
If you back off on doing everything with the baby and expect him to do his part, he will. Encourage him to get out of the house with his baby on his own, giving them time to develop their very special relationship. ... Read More
Men thrive on respect, confidence and love, and all are in short supply as we become fathers. Focus on respect for what he does right. It will build his confidence and show you love him. ... Read More
Dads bring a unique set of strengths to raising kids and are the best brain development toys possible. Don’t turn dad into an assistant mom, encourage him to do it his way. Your baby will thrive on the difference. ... Read More
Having our babies get excited when they see us, and knowing we are there for them when they need us, feeds our souls as men. With experience, our confidence builds, our instincts kick in, and we start feeling like real dads. It just takes longer than with moms. ... Read More
It’s not about sex, it’s about love. New moms naturally and dramatically shift their attention, intimacy and love from dad to their baby. If mom is not happy with dad, your relationship can suffer dramatically. Even if you don’t feel like sex, he still needs to feel the love. ... Read More
OK, it is partly about sex, but if vacuuming alone resulted in more sex, we would be buying 500 horse power Dyson vacuums and supercharging them. Once life settles down with your new baby, focus on your relationship, and the sex will handle itself. ... Read More
The more he brings his child into his life, the more balance you get in your life. When mom gets more balance, dad gets more of mom, and balance in his life too. Everybody lives more happily ever after. ... Read More
Soon after you become pregnant, help him get a good start, because you soon will be overwhelmed with your own needs. Show him respect as a father-to-be with something that helps him along his path. ... Read More
From Greg Bishop, Founder, Boot Camp for New Dads
As Cavemen, we dads developed a strong protective instinct (Saber-toothed cats were a real problem), as well as a nurturing instinct. We were hands-on with our babies 24/7 in our little caves (talk about co-sleeping), except when out after an extra big mammoth because we had another mouth to feed. And when we got back, no doubt the… Read OnMore about dads and babies: