10. Become a Team When the Test Turns Positive

Soon after your become pregnant, help him get a good start, because you will soon be overwhelmed with your own needs. Show him respect as a father-to-be with something that helps him along his path.

Ask Him To Hang On To Your Ankles

For moms-to-be, not letting go of a big part of your pre-mommy life is not an option. The mommy vortex can suck you up like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, though, and push you a lot farther than you want to go. So ask him to hang onto your ankles and periodically do a reality check on how far overboard you have gone in responding to all the requirements you hear about being a good mom (new moms never err on the side of doing too little). Consider your lagging behind dad-to-be mate to also be your connection to your pre-mom self.

What we tell dads-to-be about helping you maintain some pre-baby balance in your life:

  • Encourage her to avoid reading about all the potential medical problems for her or the baby, that are highly unlikely to occur but account for about half that 500 page pregnancy manual on her night stand.
  • If she is feeling pushed by a friend, her mother, a co-worker, etc. to do it their way (e.g., pre-natal vitamins, childbirth pain meds, weight gain), help her stand her ground with encouragement and, if needed, a request to the offender to back off.
  • Encourage her to maintain outside activities, especially those involving exercise because they help her handle birth, recover from pregnancy, lose the added weight, feel better all the way around, and get out of the house. Balance at its best.
  • Upon birth, the pressure on a new mom to do everything possible that might benefit her baby greatly intensifies. You will want to give her the gift of balance; you will find that the part of her life you helped her maintain is often the part she shares with you.

What would you suggest to moms-to-be about helping dad get up-to-speed before the birth?

What you can do
What you can do

    If You Really Need Help, Make Sure He Knows

    Most new mothers struggle in the first few weeks, or even months.  You need to physically recover from pregnancy and childbirth, your emotions still can run rampant, you get no more than a few hours rest at a time, and you may feel trapped or virtually chained to the baby, or worse. If you find yourself struggling, let him know and ask him for help. This is no time for him to be trying to read your mind.

    Make Sure He Takes Pride in The Job He Does As Dad

    One of the paradoxes of fatherhood is that the best among us worry most about the job we are doing. We should periodically reflect on the changes in our life and take pride in the fact we are delivering on an extraordinary commitment to our child and family. But we don’t, so you might remind him occasionally.

    Give Him Something Meaningful

    Something that reflects his entrance into the seminal rite of manhood, builds his confidence by helping him get up to speed, and shows your confidence that he will be a great dad with a great connection with his child. (Check out what we have come up with for our “rookie” dads-to-be.)

    And buy him beer.

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10 Things Moms-to-Be Should Know
About New Dads

Moms, check out this Top Ten list and let us know what you think. Share your experience about supporting a new dad, including what you did that worked and what you did that didn’t.

A mom-to-be has a huge array of support and information, including her mate, friends, family, the healthcare system, and entire media and retail sectors. A dad-to-be has you. … Read More

Mothers are the most important factor in a father’s involvement with his baby. You can facilitate it or hinder it, especially in the months surrounding the birth when a new dad’s motivation is strongest. ... Read More

If you back off on doing everything with the baby and expect him to do his part, he will. Encourage him to get out of the house with his baby on his own, giving them time to develop their very special relationship. ... Read More

Men thrive on respect, confidence and love, and all are in short supply as we become fathers. Focus on respect for what he does right. It will build his confidence and show you love him. ... Read More

Dads bring a unique set of strengths to raising kids and are the best brain development toys possible. Don’t turn dad into an assistant mom, encourage him to do it his way. Your baby will thrive on the difference. ... Read More

Having our babies get excited when they see us, and knowing we are there for them when they need us, feeds our souls as men. With experience, our confidence builds, our instincts kick in, and we start feeling like real dads. It just takes longer than with moms. ... Read More

It’s not about sex, it’s about love. New moms naturally and dramatically shift their attention, intimacy and love from dad to their baby. If mom is not happy with dad, your relationship can suffer dramatically. Even if you don’t feel like sex, he still needs to feel the love. ... Read More

OK, it is partly about sex, but if vacuuming alone resulted in more sex, we would be buying 500 horse power Dyson vacuums and supercharging them. Once life settles down with your new baby, focus on your relationship, and the sex will handle itself. ... Read More

The more he brings his child into his life, the more balance you get in your life. When mom gets more balance, dad gets more of mom, and balance in his life too. Everybody lives more happily ever after. ... Read More

Soon after you become pregnant, help him get a good start, because you soon will be overwhelmed with your own needs. Show him respect as a father-to-be with something that helps him along his path. ... Read More

Articles

Dad’s Protective Instincts Come from Caveman Roots

From Greg Bishop, Founder, Boot Camp for New Dads

As Cavemen, we dads developed a strong protective instinct (Saber-toothed cats were a real problem), as well as a nurturing instinct. We were hands-on with our babies 24/7 in our little caves (talk about co-sleeping), except when out after an extra big mammoth because we had another mouth to feed. And when we got back, no doubt the… Read On

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