2. Moms are Key to a New Dad’s Success
Mothers are the most important factor in a father’s involvement with his baby. You can facilitate it or hinder it, especially in the months surrounding the birth when a new dad’s motivation is strongest.
Mothers Are Key To Dad’s Early Involvement
Multiple studies have shown that fathers become more involved in the daily care of their babies when mothers encourage them to do so. And when mom criticizes the job dad is doing, he often feels pushed out and withdraws. This happens just when you want him to have a lot of hands-on time with his baby - this is what builds the bond that will eventually tie him closely and commit him totally to the welfare of his child. But remember, you had a huge head start.
A mom who respects her mate as a father, helps him get up to speed and encourages his strong connection with his baby is rewarded with a dad who does his best for his child. The timing is important; Princeton research found that the months surrounding your child’s birth are a window of opportunity during which fathers are most motivated and receptive to change.
Gatekeeping Is Unconscious and Counter Productive
Psychology Today recently reported on a study which finds that “fathers who wanted to be involved with their kids often drifted away in the face of persistent maternal criticism. The takeaway message is maternal gatekeeping seriously undermines the confidence of new dads, causing dads, to beat a hasty retreat.” Many a mother who never could imagine standing between her mate and her baby unconsciously does so. Many new moms can’t help themselves due to their deep, hormone-enhanced commitment to making sure their babies receive perfect care.
How did you do regarding gatekeeping? What encouragement was there for the new dad in your new family?
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About New Dads
Moms, check out this Top Ten list and let us know what you think. Share your experience about supporting a new dad, including what you did that worked and what you did that didn’t.
A mom-to-be has a huge array of support and information, including her mate, friends, family, the healthcare system, and entire media and retail sectors. A dad-to-be has you. … Read More
Mothers are the most important factor in a father’s involvement with his baby. You can facilitate it or hinder it, especially in the months surrounding the birth when a new dad’s motivation is strongest. ... Read More
If you back off on doing everything with the baby and expect him to do his part, he will. Encourage him to get out of the house with his baby on his own, giving them time to develop their very special relationship. ... Read More
Men thrive on respect, confidence and love, and all are in short supply as we become fathers. Focus on respect for what he does right. It will build his confidence and show you love him. ... Read More
Dads bring a unique set of strengths to raising kids and are the best brain development toys possible. Don’t turn dad into an assistant mom, encourage him to do it his way. Your baby will thrive on the difference. ... Read More
Having our babies get excited when they see us, and knowing we are there for them when they need us, feeds our souls as men. With experience, our confidence builds, our instincts kick in, and we start feeling like real dads. It just takes longer than with moms. ... Read More
It’s not about sex, it’s about love. New moms naturally and dramatically shift their attention, intimacy and love from dad to their baby. If mom is not happy with dad, your relationship can suffer dramatically. Even if you don’t feel like sex, he still needs to feel the love. ... Read More
OK, it is partly about sex, but if vacuuming alone resulted in more sex, we would be buying 500 horse power Dyson vacuums and supercharging them. Once life settles down with your new baby, focus on your relationship, and the sex will handle itself. ... Read More
The more he brings his child into his life, the more balance you get in your life. When mom gets more balance, dad gets more of mom, and balance in his life too. Everybody lives more happily ever after. ... Read More
Soon after you become pregnant, help him get a good start, because you soon will be overwhelmed with your own needs. Show him respect as a father-to-be with something that helps him along his path. ... Read More
Articles
Dad’s Protective Instincts Come from Caveman Roots
From Greg Bishop, Founder, Boot Camp for New Dads
As Cavemen, we dads developed a strong protective instinct (Saber-toothed cats were a real problem), as well as a nurturing instinct. We were hands-on with our babies 24/7 in our little caves (talk about co-sleeping), except when out after an extra big mammoth because we had another mouth to feed. And when we got back, no doubt the… Read On
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