3. Expect Him to Do His Part and He Will

If you back away from doing everything with the baby and expect him to do his part, he will. Tell him to get out of the house …and take the baby with him!  Papa and baby trips are a perfect time for the two of them to form a deep relationship.

In our workshops, even the most nervous guy takes only a few minutes to get used to holding a baby. After just a few weeks of burping, swaddling, bathing, etc., taking care of baby will be second nature to him. Your baby will also learn how dad gets things done.  With the two of them in sync, nobody in the world, with the possible exception of you, will do it better.

If you get in his way, by criticizing, taking over, hovering, grimacing, groaning, etc. he will back off and let you take over for the next two decades. If you sweetly handle everything with the baby because you really don’t mind and dad seemed a little reluctant, nervous, anxious, etc., you will be doing so for the next two decades. You need to back off, which means leave the room so he can focus on the task at hand. It also gives him a chance to work his way out of trouble instead of automatically handing off to mom.

What Happens when They Get Out Alone Together

Magic. When it is just the two of them, they notice everything about each other and they connect. For dad it is like a date; he is out to show his kid a good time and bring him into his world, maybe starting by showing him the Shelby Cobra 427 at the car show. When people ask about his baby, he gets to do the talking. When a problem develops, it’s dad to the rescue. The smile on your baby’s face shows she likes it too, and the two of them may come up with a secret handshake that signifies their special bond. This is when a new dad really starts feeling like a father.

Was there something you did that helped dad and baby to cement their bond?  Or something that worked against it?

What you can do
What you can do

    • Encourage him to connect with his baby before birth by placing his hand so he can feel your baby move inside you. Encourage him to talk so your baby recognizes dad’s voice when he holds him for the first time and says hello.

    • Get him in on feedings. After 3-4 weeks breastfeeding, consider pumping so he can feed the baby with a bottle. You won’t be tied to the baby all the time, it’ll give you a chance to get several hours away from home, and dad gets in on the whole deal.

    • Give dad a piece of turf and let him do it his way. You naturally will take the lead when the baby comes home* and encouraging (or assigning) him to take on a major task like giving baths, putting her to bed, the early morning feeding, etc. can have a big payoff all around. It is something he will get good at, own and even enhance. (Besides, getting used to having fun in water is a precursor to surfing.) Tell him you appreciate what he does, even if it makes you a little jealous when he is better than you at it.

    * A benefit of a c-section is that dad gets dropped in the deep end of the pool and fills in for the first week. And after he survives and learns to swim he gets to proclaim “I did everything for the baby.” His confidence (and mom’s trust in him) shoots sky-high!

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10 Things Moms-to-Be Should Know
About New Dads

Moms, check out this Top Ten list and let us know what you think. Share your experience about supporting a new dad, including what you did that worked and what you did that didn’t.

A mom-to-be has a huge array of support and information, including her mate, friends, family, the healthcare system, and entire media and retail sectors. A dad-to-be has you. … Read More

Mothers are the most important factor in a father’s involvement with his baby. You can facilitate it or hinder it, especially in the months surrounding the birth when a new dad’s motivation is strongest. ... Read More

If you back off on doing everything with the baby and expect him to do his part, he will. Encourage him to get out of the house with his baby on his own, giving them time to develop their very special relationship. ... Read More

Men thrive on respect, confidence and love, and all are in short supply as we become fathers. Focus on respect for what he does right. It will build his confidence and show you love him. ... Read More

Dads bring a unique set of strengths to raising kids and are the best brain development toys possible. Don’t turn dad into an assistant mom, encourage him to do it his way. Your baby will thrive on the difference. ... Read More

Having our babies get excited when they see us, and knowing we are there for them when they need us, feeds our souls as men. With experience, our confidence builds, our instincts kick in, and we start feeling like real dads. It just takes longer than with moms. ... Read More

It’s not about sex, it’s about love. New moms naturally and dramatically shift their attention, intimacy and love from dad to their baby. If mom is not happy with dad, your relationship can suffer dramatically. Even if you don’t feel like sex, he still needs to feel the love. ... Read More

OK, it is partly about sex, but if vacuuming alone resulted in more sex, we would be buying 500 horse power Dyson vacuums and supercharging them. Once life settles down with your new baby, focus on your relationship, and the sex will handle itself. ... Read More

The more he brings his child into his life, the more balance you get in your life. When mom gets more balance, dad gets more of mom, and balance in his life too. Everybody lives more happily ever after. ... Read More

Soon after you become pregnant, help him get a good start, because you soon will be overwhelmed with your own needs. Show him respect as a father-to-be with something that helps him along his path. ... Read More

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Dad’s Protective Instincts Come from Caveman Roots

From Greg Bishop, Founder, Boot Camp for New Dads

As Cavemen, we dads developed a strong protective instinct (Saber-toothed cats were a real problem), as well as a nurturing instinct. We were hands-on with our babies 24/7 in our little caves (talk about co-sleeping), except when out after an extra big mammoth because we had another mouth to feed. And when we got back, no doubt the… Read On

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