8. OK - It’s Partly About Sex
OK, it is partly about sex, but if vacuuming alone resulted in more sex, we would be buying 200 horse power Dyson vacuums and supercharging them. Once life settles down with your new baby, focus on your relationship, and the sex will handle itself.
Most doctors say six weeks after a normal delivery you are good to go. Actually, as we explain to the guys, you will be good to go not only when you are physically ready, but when you feel like it, which means when you are feeling rested, good about your baby, good about your body, good about dad and feeling sexy. This can take a while.
We tell new dads a lot about getting their sex life back: “understand that you are starting over, communication is critical, tell her your dreams, encourage and respect her as a mom, do your part as a father, give her time alone, get out together with your baby, engage in adult conversation, help her re-engage her mind, eat together, exercise together, etc”. Obviously, it is not about sex. It is all part of you two creating a new life together as a couple with a baby – a family. A healthy sex life is just the most obvious, tangible symptom of a strong relationship.
Get the Romance Back After You Weather the Storm
We also tell dad that you will be focused on the baby, so he will need to take the lead on reconstructing your relationship. This of course is not something men are typically good at, so you might be pro-active here. Once your roller coaster life with a newborn settles down, you and dad need to refocus on each other. Don’t let the demands and frustrations you face as a new mom spoil your love life. It naturally takes a big hit due to the demands your baby presents, but it shouldn’t go to the bottom of the priority list. Don’t underestimate its value to him no matter how understanding he says he is.
To be clear, we recommend sex. Lots of it, as sex is great exercise and creates explosions of endorphins, dopamine and vacuuming. Besides, even with all those Russian women emailing us with offers of marriage, you are the one we love. We just need you to love us back.
What was your experience in trying to re-establish the romance? Do you have suggestions for other new parents?
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About New Dads
Moms, check out this Top Ten list and let us know what you think. Share your experience about supporting a new dad, including what you did that worked and what you did that didn’t.
A mom-to-be has a huge array of support and information, including her mate, friends, family, the healthcare system, and entire media and retail sectors. A dad-to-be has you. … Read More
Mothers are the most important factor in a father’s involvement with his baby. You can facilitate it or hinder it, especially in the months surrounding the birth when a new dad’s motivation is strongest. ... Read More
If you back off on doing everything with the baby and expect him to do his part, he will. Encourage him to get out of the house with his baby on his own, giving them time to develop their very special relationship. ... Read More
Men thrive on respect, confidence and love, and all are in short supply as we become fathers. Focus on respect for what he does right. It will build his confidence and show you love him. ... Read More
Dads bring a unique set of strengths to raising kids and are the best brain development toys possible. Don’t turn dad into an assistant mom, encourage him to do it his way. Your baby will thrive on the difference. ... Read More
Having our babies get excited when they see us, and knowing we are there for them when they need us, feeds our souls as men. With experience, our confidence builds, our instincts kick in, and we start feeling like real dads. It just takes longer than with moms. ... Read More
It’s not about sex, it’s about love. New moms naturally and dramatically shift their attention, intimacy and love from dad to their baby. If mom is not happy with dad, your relationship can suffer dramatically. Even if you don’t feel like sex, he still needs to feel the love. ... Read More
OK, it is partly about sex, but if vacuuming alone resulted in more sex, we would be buying 500 horse power Dyson vacuums and supercharging them. Once life settles down with your new baby, focus on your relationship, and the sex will handle itself. ... Read More
The more he brings his child into his life, the more balance you get in your life. When mom gets more balance, dad gets more of mom, and balance in his life too. Everybody lives more happily ever after. ... Read More
Soon after you become pregnant, help him get a good start, because you soon will be overwhelmed with your own needs. Show him respect as a father-to-be with something that helps him along his path. ... Read More
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Dad’s Protective Instincts Come from Caveman Roots
From Greg Bishop, Founder, Boot Camp for New Dads
As Cavemen, we dads developed a strong protective instinct (Saber-toothed cats were a real problem), as well as a nurturing instinct. We were hands-on with our babies 24/7 in our little caves (talk about co-sleeping), except when out after an extra big mammoth because we had another mouth to feed. And when we got back, no doubt the… Read On
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